Archive for "Feb 20 2010"

sxsw->best of the lesser knowns part 1: hauschka

Hauschka, Ferndorf

i am embarrassed to admit that at one point in my life, i was a janitor. yeah, it sucked hard, but i liked to eat food and have somewhere to sleep that didn’t reek of piss and feet. but suck as it did, one of the worst parts of the job—worse than scrubbing someone else’s shit spurts off the porceline—was working for rich douche-canoes that owned beautiful musical instruments.

now, i’m not exactly ragging on the rich in general; some actually earned that reward, but the ass-hat incumbents i refer to here are those most foul bitches that buy up wicked effing pianos, guitars etc. and never, EVER play them. it’s furniture to them. anyhoo, this makes me sad. and angry. to me, an instrument is like a lover. something to be nourished and stroked (or banged, cuz i know you like it rough).

so what i did, besides making myself a foot high sammich, was play their damned gear. for hours. while getting paid.

what does this have to do with sxsw? well, mr. impatient i tells you: on march 17 @ 11:15pm in the slightly creepy venue of central presbyterian “church,” hep austin-ites will groove on the mighty golden fog of HAUSCHKA! goddamn! germany in the hizz-ouse!

i know you thought germany was all sweet fucking cars, well-made kitchen appliances, food that all looks like dicks, shizer vids and nazis and shit, but no! here to stroke your soul for the first time (probably) is the treated piano stylings of volker bertlemann. think of it as steve reich in an opium cloud, channelling satie whilst playing a piano made out of john cage’s bones. this dude will make you want to get a janitor gig for the rich and resuscitate/make sweet love to their freakin’ steinways before it’s too late.

now that's not phallic... (photo by flickr user tiexano)

i know you can’t even remember to take your vitamins, so get thee to hauschka and do something good for you for a change. i swear, he feels better than hair o’ the dog while squeezing mashed potatoes through yer toes. good for what ails ya!

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